Write Triangle

The tale of the wolf

2009-04-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

Warning: this is a very serious departure from some of my past writing. This story depicts rape and murder. If you find this to be disturbing, please skip today's article.

This story is NOT appropriate for children.

The tale of the wolf

The wolf was at the top of the food chain. He had stalked his prey for three weeks. He knew her habits better than she knew them. He could have moved in for the kill sooner, but sometimes it was fun to watch.

At the precise time as she had in the past, she broke away from her flock and entered the lush green field of the killing ground. The wolf moved slowly from his lair and followed her into the death zone.

The wolf was wrong. He was not at the top of the food chain. As the wolf closed in on his prey, he was becoming the hunted. The lion surveyed the killing ground. As the wolf pursued his prey, the lion slowly moved into position to capture the wolf.

The girl always took the shortcut through the woods to get back to the dorms. Her friends told her that it was dangerous, especially at night. The girl was not afraid. She had been taking this shortcut for nearly three years, and she knew the woods better than anyone else.

The girl should have listened to her friends. On this particular night, she was not alone in the woods. As she broke into the small clearing in the middle of the woods, she sensed that she was not alone. The wolf pounced on her and forced her to the ground. The girl screamed, but the forest drowned out her screams.

The wolf’s excitement had been building toward this moment, and he was immediately ready. He forced himself upon her, enjoying immense pleasure at the same time that her screams embodied the incredible physical and emotional pain. He finished quickly, and the girl lay on the ground, unable to move. The wolf pulled out his knife. With one strong, swift motion, he plunged it into her torso, finding her heart immediately. As the girl’s life quickly ebbed away, the wolf felt immense power.

The lion watched the full encounter. He waited until he was certain that the wolf had experienced an ultimate high. Then the lion moved quickly into the clearing. The wolf sensed danger and turned, but it was too late. The lion forced his own knife deep into the chest of the wolf, and the wolf was dead before he realized the extent of the danger.

The lion dipped the tip of his finger into the wolf’s blood, and then mixed it with the girl’s blood. As he licked his finger, he could feel the life force of both of them entering his body.

***

Note: I will be storing my fiction pieces on a separate blog - Write Triangle. I will continue to post the Fiction Friday stories on The Casual Observer, but will archive these stories, as well as stories I have written in the past, and future stories that might not make it onto TCO, on Write Triangle. Using a separate blog allows me allow easier access for those readers who only care about the fiction.

Pardon my dust - at this point, only The Tale of the Wolf is on Write Triangle. I will try to get other stories onto the site in the upcoming weeks.

Fiction Friday: Release Point

2009-03-27T06:30:00.002-07:00

Note: During the next month or so, I will be refining the structure of the blog a bit more. I will still have a variety of topics, but will try to organize them so that people know what to expect on a particular day of the week or month.

And with that preface, I introduce Fiction Friday! I will attempt to write a new short story every Friday.

Release Point

Jerome Franklin’s mind was a thousand miles away as the bus persevered over the rough roads, jolting the occupants seemingly every five seconds. Jerome was thinking about how he ended last year, giving up home runs at an alarming rate and allowing hits with such frequency that the manager was routinely sending him to the showers in the third inning. Coach Brunner had worked with him on his release point, but would he still be tipping his pitches? For a former seventh round draft pick in his fourth year in the farm system, this was a make or break year. A repeat of last year’s performance would probably mean his outright release and a job shoveling cow dung on the family farm.

Franklin sighed loudly and shifted in his seat. Max Cook pulled his headphones off, turned in his seat and gave Jerome his characteristically broad smile.

“Hey, J. No worries, man. We’ll be there soon.”

Franklin gave a faint smile to his friend and they began some small talk and the bus clattered through the city toward the ballpark. The off-season had been a long one, and he had not had much contact with many of his friends.

Jerome ate his typical pregame meal of two hot dogs, washed down with a bottle of Gatorade. Perhaps he should switch to a different pregame meal in order to change his luck. No, he decided, he wasn’t going to fall into the trap of becoming the stereotypically superstitious ballplayer. Besides, he really liked hot dogs, regardless of what they packed inside the wieners. He burped, grabbed his glove, and headed onto the field for practice.

A short while later, Jerome was honoring his country during the national anthem, watching the flag wave slightly in the breeze. Adrenaline was flowing through his body at full speed, and he was ready to take the field and assert his dominance. They were the road team tonight, however, and Jerome would have to cool his heels for a half inning.

Max Cook scorched a line drive to right field, and the speedy center fielder motored around to third base to start the game. Unfortunately, Cook would remain at third. The next batter struck out swinging at a pitch over his head. Then came a lazy pop fly to the pitcher. Finally, a towering fly ball that would have served as a great sacrifice fly if it had come one batter sooner. The smile was gone from Cook’s face when he returned to the dugout, replaced by a frustrated grimace.

“Let’s get ‘em, J.,” Cook shouted. “1-2-3”

Jerome’s first pitch was a curveball. The hitter jumped on it and hammered the ball to the deepest part of centerfield for a homerun. He turned to heckle Jerome as be broke into an exaggerated trot.

“You’re still tipping the pitches, Meat!”

Jerome was steamed as he stood waiting for the jerk to finish his leisurely stroll around the bases. He considering hitting the next batter, but the last thing he needed was another base runner. He started off the next batter with a fastball, and it was also hit hard. Max Cook chased down the ball in centerfield and hurried the ball back to second base, but the runner slid in safely.

Catcher Johnny Morris jogged out to the mound.

“These guys think they have you rattled, J. Just remember everything the Brew taught you. You’re not tipping your pitches any more. Let’s get em.” Morris slapped him on the rear end and head back to the plate.”

The next pitch was a fastball and Morris was quickly out of his crouch and gunning the ball to third base, nailing a would-be base stealer trying take advantage of Franklin’s state of mind to be aggressive.

The next pitch was a changeup, and the batter was fooled badly, popping the ball foul to third base, where it was caught. Jerome began to focus on the task at hand and worried less and less about tipping his pitches. He moved the ball in, out, up, and down and complemented his high 90s fastball with a healthy dose of changeups and curveballs. He was throwing all his pitches from the same release point, making it impossible to the batters to determine which pitch was coming. Jerome was in control of the game, and pitched seven strong innings, allowing just three hits and walking two batters. The offense was never able to muster a rally, however, and Jerome found himself on the wrong end of a 1-0 score. Franklin may have lost the battle, but he was beginning to win the war. Today’s shower was going to feel really good.

Nebraska gets killed in NIT

2009-03-19T18:59:00.001-07:00

Come on Husker fans ... have a sense of humor :)

The score you saw in the papers was New Mexico 83, Nebraska 71.

This was not, however, the actual score of the game. Some wealthy Nebraska alums quietly negotiated with the media (and the New Mexico coaches) and the media took the cash and reported a close score. All recordings of the event were destroyed.

In truth, Nebraska got absolutely smoked. If I told you the actual score, you’d tell me that it was physically impossible to lose by that many points. Much of the blame was placed on the shoulders of interim basketball coach Tom Osborne Jr. The mistakes in the game were countless, so we’ll break them down by category

Personnel issues
The Huskers were given repeated technical fouls for having too many players on the court. More often than not, Nebraska broke the huddle with eleven players.

The Huskers featured a center who was 6’8” and weighed 320 pounds. This is perhaps understandable, but the presence of two guards who tipped the scales at 300+ pounds was a bit unconventional. Coach Osborne explained: “Hey, you need big guys up front to protect the quarterback.” The result of this decision was a fast break that moved at a snail’s pace, as well as a complete inability to get back on defense.

Style of play too physical
The Huskers got in foul trouble early. This was due to what could be loosely described as moving picks. Coach Osborne was quite upset by these calls. “I could understand a few holding calls,” he sputtered “but since when are you not allow to block the opponent and push him downfield?”

Forgetting to dribble
The Huskers had a tendency to toss the basketball to their power forward and have him charge through the middle of the defense. Unfortunately, he forgot to dribble. Or, in the words of one upset Nebraska fan “you’re supposed to drop the ball on purpose? Why would you do that? That’s a fumble.”

Incomplete passes
The favorite play of the Huskers was a sixty foot toss down the court. Unfortunately, so of these passes were not caught on the fly, and the receivers would pick up the “incomplete pass” and toss it to the referee, thinking that the ball was dead.

Ignoring the basket
Nebraska seemed to be completely unaware of the basket for much of the game, instead preferring to move the ball out of bounds over the end line for a "touchdown". This resulted in a few dozen turnovers during the course of the game.

On the rare occasion when the Huskers did pay attention to the basket, they attempted to make a field goal by kicking the ball from mid court. None of these attempts were successful.

This was an absolutely brutal game to watch. I would strongly suggest that Nebraska disband their basketball team to avoid a similar disgrace in the future.

Minnesota's plan to cut government spending

2009-03-11T04:00:00.001-07:00

Note: this is a work of fiction. A longer disclaimer can be found at the end of the piece.

The Casual Observer was stunned to learn that the governor of Minnesota has suggested a radical cost savings plan – having the US Senate shrink its membership to just fifty members – one from each state.

TCO smelled a great story and sent resident bloodhound Scoop Chevelle to the frozen tundra to check the story out. Scoop arrived at the governor’s mansion on a snowmobile-driven carriage and was granted an audience with His Lordship, the Governor of Minnesota, Tom Lawplenty.

SC: My Lord Governor. It is a pleasure to finally meet you.

Gov: Scooter, let’s get rid of the formality. You may simply call me lord.

SC: Yes, lord. Some representatives of other states have suggested that this plan to reduce the US Senate to 50 members from its present membership of 99 is simply a ploy to return Minnesota to full representation in the Senate to avoid having the courts settle the Franken/Coleman election.

Gov: What a load of hogwash, Scooby. Obviously, the Frankenstein / Coolman issue will be resolved within the next few days. My only agenda is to reduce the cost of government to the fine taxpayers of the United States. I believe each senator is paid five million dollars per year. Cutting fifty senate positions would thus save taxpayers three billion dollars each year!

SC: Actually, I’m pretty sure they make $174,000. Reducing fifty senators would save $8,700,000.

Gov: Skippy, don’t try to confuse the taxpayers with that deceptive “new math” you New York folks are slinging around. Consider also that each senator has a staff of three hundred, eight chefs, a barbershop quartet, and a dog groomer. We’re a talking about tens of thousands of positions that could be eliminated, at a savings of seven trillion dollars.

SC: I think those numbers may be based on some inaccurate information, my lord.

Gov: Also, Sarah, this plan would finally put an end to the senate hazing.

SC: Hazing?

Gov: Oh, yes, Sally. You would not believe the hazing that occurs. The senior senators from each state treat the junior senators very poorly. The cut ahead of them in line at the cafeteria, steal their lunch money, flush their heads down the toilet, shove them into lockers. It really isn’t pretty.

SC: Well, this is definitely an, um, enlightened viewpoint. Do you have anything else to add?

Gov: Oh, yes, Wendy. We should not stop there. We should also reduce the House of Representatives by half.

SC: How would this be feasible? Some states have an odd number of representatives.

Gov: Well, Amy, we could handle this like King Solomon and chop someone in half. Ha. ha, ha. I’m just kidding. If a state had seven representatives, they would have four representatives during one session of congress and three during the next session of congress.

SC: How would you handle Wyoming, with its single representative?

Gov: Oh, that’s very easy, Jasmine. Wyoming would have one representative half the time and zero representatives half the time.

SC: Lord, are you seriously proposing taxation without representation for the citizens of Wyoming?

Gov: Ha, ha, ha. Where would you ever gets such a crazy idea, Crystal? Of course not. I’m Mr. e pluribus unum himself. Carpe diem and salve regina!

SC [visibly confused]: Well, there you have it, America. This is Scoop Chevelle, reporting to you from the heartland of America.

Note: This is a work of fiction. It has minimal basis in fact. I believe the only facts are that Norm Franken and Norm Coleman are indeed still locked in a court battle surrounding their senate race, and that there are snowmobiles in Minnesota. I have altered the name of the Governor of Minnesota to reflect the fictional nature (and to avoid having him hunt me down and punch me in the face). The character of Lord Governor Lawplenty does not share core values with the real governor of the state, nor does he represent the fine citizens of Minnesota in any way.

People of Minnesota (and Wyoming): please, no hate mail . Give me enough time, and I will eventually take shots at all 50 states. I have already written an Oregon article (click the “Humor” link on the right side of the screen)

Manny Ramirez signs with Tigers

2009-02-27T22:25:00.001-08:00

[Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. The author has taken dramatic liberties with the personalities of any real person portrayed within this story.

Note: when reading this, keep in mind the fact that the exchange rate is roughly 100 yen per 1 US dollar]

The Casual Observer has had some well placed sources eavesdropping on the Manny Ramirez situation. As a result, TCO is the first media outlet to bring you this breaking news – Manny Ramirez has signed with the Tigers.

No, not those Tigers. The Hanshin Tigers of the Japanese Central League. TCO sent our Chief Observation Officer, reporter Scoop Chevelle, to the Ramirez compound to get the inside information. When Scoop arrived on the scene, Manny was dressed in a kimono, resting in his Lazyboy and sipping some red sake.

Scoop: Manny, I must say that I am shocked at this news, as is the rest of the sports world. It really seemed to come out of nowhere. Why did you decide to sign with Hanshin?

Manny: Well, Scoop, they offered me a three year deal at thirty million yen per year. Thirty million! I was having a lot of difficulty getting the Dodgers to give me even twenty five, and then Hanshin drops in with an initial offer of thirty. Needless to say, I was very impressed. I was able to negotiate the deal myself – I didn’t even involve Boras in the deal.

Scoop: Are you sure that it was wise move to negotiate the deal without an agent?

Manny: Yeah, I saved a few bucks cutting Scott out of the deal. He takes a big chunk of the money.

Scoop appears to be on the verge of making a comment, then thinks better of it and remains silent.

Manny: Also, they’re naming the stadium after me. Very cool.

Scoop: How familiar are you with the Japanese culture? Do you expect to have any difficulty adjusting to a new country?

Manny: Me, have trouble adjusting? No, way, man. I’m like a chameleon. Manny the chameleon is what they called me in Boston. I blend in wherever I go. I’m really looking forward to experiencing the Japanese culture. I love egg rolls and fortune cookies, and I’m anxious to see that wall that everyone is always talking about.

After wrapping up that interesting interview, Scoop jumped on TCO’s private jet and flew across the Pacific Ocean to talk to Hanshin manager Akinobu Okada.

Scoop: Congratulations on signing Manny Ramirez, Mr. Okada.

Okada: Thank you Scoop. We were actually pleasantly surprised at how quickly we were able to negotiate a deal with Mr. Ramirez. We think we have a deal that is fair to both sides.

Scoop: Manny mentioned that Hanshin will be naming the stadium after him. Is that really true?

Okada: That’s not quite true. We’re actually naming the field after him. We will play on Manny Ramirez field at Koshien Stadium. You might say that we’re taking a page out of the book of your Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Scoop: What do you expect from Manny? Do you anticipate any problems with his adjustment to the Japanese style of baseball?

Okada: We think that Mr. Ramirez can really help strengthen our offense. Hanshin not won a Japan Series since 1985 nor a Central League title since 2005. Our fans deserve a title. We feel that signing Mr. Ramirez gave us the best chance to win. We certainly don’t expect any problems with Mr. Ramirez’s adjustment. The American players typically adjust fairly quickly to the mindset that the players must always follow the orders of the manager. We foresee a quick adjustment for Mr. Ramirez.

Scene shifts to TCO Studio

Scoop: Well, there you are, folks. After months of wooing Manny, the Dodgers had him stolen away at the last minute by Japan’s Hanshin Tigers. The addition of Manny should put Hanshin in a position to battle Central League juggernaut Yomirui for the league title.

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Consider becoming a follower of my blog. Thanks for reading.

Schedule note: I am going to take a break over the weekend. Regular posts will resume on Monday.

Oregon votes are in!

2008-11-17T19:15:00.001-08:00

[Note: this is intended to be a humorous parody of the relatively short delay in declaring a winner in the Oregon senate race. It is not intended to be an accurate representation of the state's election process.]

As we trot toward the festivities of Thanksgiving, the diligent election workers in the state of Oregon continue their thankless job of counting the votes. We expect a winner to be declared in the senate race any day now.

TCO caught up with Joe Saycanusi of the Oregon Secretary of State’s office.

TCO: Joe – Do you mind if I call you Joe? It is now 2 weeks past election day and we’re still waiting for a winner in the Merkley/Smith Senate race. What, exactly, is causing the delay?

JS: Well, TCO, we are experiencing multiple issues. As you know, all voting in Oregon is done through the mail. This year, we have had a bit of a West Nile epidemic, and this has really put a strain on the herd.

TCO: Er, what’s that? Do you mean that the mail in Oregon is actually delivered via pony express?

JS: Of course. What else would we use? Oxen are strong, but they’re pretty slow. We had a second health issue as well – several of the horses came down with constipation. Believe me, when a horse is waiting to take a crap, you’re just going to have to wait it out. Really, I don’t see what the big fuss is all about. The new congress doesn’t start work for a while yet. As long as we’ve declared a winner by then, everything is cool.

TCO: Well, Joe, that’s very fascinating. Thank you for enlightening us.

TCO: We were also cable to catch up with a precinct captain in Multnomah County. We are pleased to speak to John Morgan.

TCO: Captain Morgan – how are you feeling this morning?

CM: Aye, a bit hung over, to be honest. We’ve been doing this bloody counting for umpteen days now. It’s enough to drive you a bit mad after a while, so I went on a bit of a bender last night.

TCO: I believe that you had a bit of a problem with some votes in one of your precincts. Can you explain what happened?

CM: Well, the middle of last week, our cleaning people came in at night to scrub the place down. Unfortunately, when our counters got in the next morning, they discovered an absolute tragedy. Our permanent record of the vote counting had been destroyed – the blackboard was scrubbed clean! Even worse, the ballots had been thrown out with the trash!

TCO: Wow. That’s horrible. Yet, you are expecting to have complete results …

CM: I know what you’re thinking. No, we didn’t just make up some numbers. We grabbed our boots and headed out to the dump. After two days in the dump, we recovered every single ballot. Then we went work, removing chewing gum and taco sauce from the ballots. It was hard work, but I am confident that every single vote has been tallied correctly.

TCO: Wow, that’s quite the ballot tale, captain Morgan. That’s it for this installment of the news. Join us next time as we oversee the counting of ballots in the Alaska senate race.